Roadside Memorials and the Idiots Who Make Them - Photos to Come Shortly
You've seen them on every single road in America. Crosses, teddy bears, balloon's, candles, photographs, newspaper clippings, handwritten notes, flowers, candy and on and on obnoxiously.
Can we pass a law that if you erect one of these monstrosities, you have to be killed as a sacrifice to your friend?
Someone gets killed in a traffic accident (usually brought on by drinking, drugs, stupidity, inexperience, arrogance or just sheer bad luck) and within 24 hours there is a memorial erected from all manner of junk, garbage and flotsam as to make it look like a roadside fireworks stand.
When did this annoying practice really start? It seems as if it were only yesterday that you would come on the scene of a bad accident and drive around the wreckage with the obligatory rubber necking to see if you could "see anything" and then drive on. The next day the most you might see is a skid mark, some leftover road flare debris and maybe the broken fence and some pieces of the vehicle. You certainly didn't come upon the newest Vegas Casino right there on the roadside.
But at some point in time, friends of the departed came to the clever decision that it would be "fitting" to make a shrine to their lost friend. I'm pretty sure that it is friends who do this sort of moronic tribute as I just can't believe that a grieving parent or spouse would take the time to go and buy feathers, ribbon, dayglow paint and 2x4's to construct a marker at the place where young Johnny went screeching off to oblivion. No, I'm pretty sure it's friends who do this sort of thing.
This makes me very glad that I am just cantankerous enough to not have any friends who would be so inclined should I decide that "I sure CAN take DEADMAN'S CURVE at 150mph!"
Over the last few years, these makeshift mausoleums have gotten more and more gaudy and grandiose. Where formerly there might be a simple wooden cross and maybe a photograph, we now have what looks like the clearance table at the dollar store complete with stuffed animals, balloons, bottles of booze(that didnt' have any contribution to the end result did it?), and other pieces of detritus that somehow has some mysterious "meaning" to the survivors. (I say this with speculative confidence as I am almost positive that even if I were to suddenly find myself an "impact" ghost, I sure as hell would find some better place to haunt than the corner of Gardiners Avenue and Hempstead Turnpike).
I especially despise the memorials that feature large floral arrangements. Florists who provide such arrangements should have their entire inventory infected with dutch elm disease and leaf fungus as a punishment.
Also, exhibiting pieces of the deceased clothing that they were wearing that night is particularly distasteful and those who practice THAT little bit of ghoulery should be forced to wear the article of clothing at least until the blood coagulates.
Large blow ups of the Human Wiley Coyote's who have shed their mortal coils amid the rending and tearing of American, German, or Asian steel and composite should also be outlawed with the punishment being a 3 hours session of staring at the sun. I REALLY DON'T CARE what they looked like in their prom dress/tux. If you want to make a statement, show a photo of what the EMT'S had to scrape off the bridge abutment after Carly had that 8th shooter okay?
The biggest gripe that I have is that those who think that they are doing some kind of noble thing fail to realize that memorials have maintenance issues. Yes, if you build it, you need to maintain it and you know, after a couple of weeks, we just tend to move on with our lives and forget about the 65 votive candles, the 6' high cross with "NEVER FORGOTTEN" painted on it (in acrylic because the lady at A.C. Moore's said it would be weatherproof), the 85 webkin's that were just "so perfect" and all the other crap that needs to be maintained.
Three months after Dan mowed down that row of saplings and chain link fence, the memorial that the "gang" erected is now slowly being reabsorbed into the earth like some archeological remnant. A thousand years from now the Moon-men who come to visit will cut open a giant redwood and find a Bratz Doll in the middle of it.
They'll either think it was a magical totem, or they'll understand that we were a VERY PRIMITIVE SOCIETY.
Can we pass a law that if you erect one of these monstrosities, you have to be killed as a sacrifice to your friend?
Someone gets killed in a traffic accident (usually brought on by drinking, drugs, stupidity, inexperience, arrogance or just sheer bad luck) and within 24 hours there is a memorial erected from all manner of junk, garbage and flotsam as to make it look like a roadside fireworks stand.
When did this annoying practice really start? It seems as if it were only yesterday that you would come on the scene of a bad accident and drive around the wreckage with the obligatory rubber necking to see if you could "see anything" and then drive on. The next day the most you might see is a skid mark, some leftover road flare debris and maybe the broken fence and some pieces of the vehicle. You certainly didn't come upon the newest Vegas Casino right there on the roadside.
But at some point in time, friends of the departed came to the clever decision that it would be "fitting" to make a shrine to their lost friend. I'm pretty sure that it is friends who do this sort of moronic tribute as I just can't believe that a grieving parent or spouse would take the time to go and buy feathers, ribbon, dayglow paint and 2x4's to construct a marker at the place where young Johnny went screeching off to oblivion. No, I'm pretty sure it's friends who do this sort of thing.
This makes me very glad that I am just cantankerous enough to not have any friends who would be so inclined should I decide that "I sure CAN take DEADMAN'S CURVE at 150mph!"
Over the last few years, these makeshift mausoleums have gotten more and more gaudy and grandiose. Where formerly there might be a simple wooden cross and maybe a photograph, we now have what looks like the clearance table at the dollar store complete with stuffed animals, balloons, bottles of booze(that didnt' have any contribution to the end result did it?), and other pieces of detritus that somehow has some mysterious "meaning" to the survivors. (I say this with speculative confidence as I am almost positive that even if I were to suddenly find myself an "impact" ghost, I sure as hell would find some better place to haunt than the corner of Gardiners Avenue and Hempstead Turnpike).
I especially despise the memorials that feature large floral arrangements. Florists who provide such arrangements should have their entire inventory infected with dutch elm disease and leaf fungus as a punishment.
Also, exhibiting pieces of the deceased clothing that they were wearing that night is particularly distasteful and those who practice THAT little bit of ghoulery should be forced to wear the article of clothing at least until the blood coagulates.
Large blow ups of the Human Wiley Coyote's who have shed their mortal coils amid the rending and tearing of American, German, or Asian steel and composite should also be outlawed with the punishment being a 3 hours session of staring at the sun. I REALLY DON'T CARE what they looked like in their prom dress/tux. If you want to make a statement, show a photo of what the EMT'S had to scrape off the bridge abutment after Carly had that 8th shooter okay?
The biggest gripe that I have is that those who think that they are doing some kind of noble thing fail to realize that memorials have maintenance issues. Yes, if you build it, you need to maintain it and you know, after a couple of weeks, we just tend to move on with our lives and forget about the 65 votive candles, the 6' high cross with "NEVER FORGOTTEN" painted on it (in acrylic because the lady at A.C. Moore's said it would be weatherproof), the 85 webkin's that were just "so perfect" and all the other crap that needs to be maintained.
Three months after Dan mowed down that row of saplings and chain link fence, the memorial that the "gang" erected is now slowly being reabsorbed into the earth like some archeological remnant. A thousand years from now the Moon-men who come to visit will cut open a giant redwood and find a Bratz Doll in the middle of it.
They'll either think it was a magical totem, or they'll understand that we were a VERY PRIMITIVE SOCIETY.
posted by Jim Harvey at 9:50 PM
1 Comments:
If you are a 'survivor' you wouldn't be a ghost, would you?
I truly hope you can continue to blissfully call people idiots and never know the pain. As the mother of a 14 year old who was killed in an automobile through no fault of his own, I'm happy for you that you can drive by such a memorial and feel anything other than heart-wrenching loss and grief. Consider yourself blessed.
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